Thirty (Three) Lessons By Thirty
I just turned thirty in August… You heard that right… Thirty, flirty and thriving (??) baby! Some people would be freaking out, but your girl is way too excited about it. And I’m not just excited about all the fun things I did with loved ones, including Water World with 20 of my closest friends and family, a close friend coming in from Nashville, and being celebrated by my boyfriend whose name you would find next to “thoughtful” in the dictionary. These things made my heart soar and I felt incredibly loved. But, what I am most looking forward to throughout this new decade is a state of mind that allows me to flourish.
Malachi 3:3 says that God sits as a refiner and purifier of silver, which so poetically sums up His character.
In the process of refining silver, the metal must be heated over the hottest portion of flame to the perfect temperature. The smith has to sit there and watch the metal while being heated in order to pull it out at just the right time. If left in the flame too long, the silver can break or become brittle. It has been refined and purified when the smith can see his/her imagine in it, like that of a mirror…
It is our Lord God’s nature to melt away impurities, to refine us, and to (re)make us into the man or woman He created us to be. To give us more of His qualities and mindset and melt away the mindset that society tells us is “right”. Now while we all have read and gotten glimpses into my forging through this blog, I can further attest to the unpleasant heat and pressure. For the past year and a half, it has felt like God held me in the fire too long, that He forgot I was in the fire in the first place. But oh, how I was wrong. Even while still in it, I see what he was doing and is doing. I can see the characteristics, beliefs, desires, instincts, and trauma habits all melting away. Being replaced by grace, forgiveness, passion, kindness, and purpose. Being replaced by the knowledge that I am worthy, wonderfully made, known, seen, and none of the other descriptors people assign me.
Finally, I can feel my mindset shifting to a healthier place. As such, I find myself in such a reflective space. Considering the lessons I’ve learned, and relearned. Remembering times I needed to be looked in the eye and shaken awake by the honest to God truth. Envisioning who and what I aim to embody.
And, as much as this is an older sister moment, it is also a love letter to all the past versions of myself. Thanking the past me for all she did to get me right here and now. Thanking God for my journey, no matter where it has taken me.
I know what it feels like to be in the fire, I know I will be again, and it always feels better when you aren’t walking through something alone. Take a deep breath, open your heart, and even though some of these may hurt to hear, I hope these lessons learned remind you that that others are walking through life for the first time too.
How you outwardly present yourself, consciously and subconsciously, is a representation of how much you love yourself. It reflects what is going on emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If you do not like who and what you are attracting into your life, look in the mirror first.
We live in a very lost and broken world. We all know it, we all see it, we all experience it. Don’t add to the darkness.
Your worth comes from our LORD and savior. Period. Again, for the people in the back… Your worth does not come from anyone or anything other than God. Do not let your circumstances, friends, family, bosses, coworkers, your partner, Satan, or social media tell you otherwise.
When Satan makes you uncomfortable in standing up for your faith, you push through it, hold strong, and run after God’s truth. Satan only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. His tactics can be sneaky, and they can be loud. Mind your thoughts and drown them with truth.
Do not seek advice or take advice from anyone you do not admire. It is one thing to vent but to take advice from people you do not look up to in what you need advice on is foolish and will lead only to disaster. This remains to be seen when it comes to your career, your friendships, your romantic relationships, your spiritual relationship with God, etc. “The blind leading the blind” is a funny saying but in practice it is not something to aspire to.
God’s timing is divine, God goes first. Read that again because I know I need to… He is sovereign, He is all knowing, He sees the full puzzle, and we simply do not. It is part of our human experience to humble ourselves before Him and to believe He has our absolute best in mind, at all times.
Do not make our Creator small to fit your human way of thinking. He is infinitely more powerful than we often remember.
You should not be ‘inactive’ if you are “in the waiting”. Whether that be waiting for a partner, for a friend, for a family member, for a career, for an opportunity, you are not meant to just sit there passively. You are meant to use your God given gifts and continue to grow, evolve, and be a disciple while “in the waiting”. Really, there is no such thing as waiting when you are a follower of Christ, you should be furthering the kingdom and God’s timing will take care of the rest.
Your faith will carry you infinitely further than a foundation in what society says is cool, trendy, or “right”.
Celebrities and influencers are, more times than not, not to be looked up to as role models. Open your eyes, the people worth following are focused and rooted in faith, not in likes, views and reshares.
The past is no place to make a home.
Talk to Jesus every day. Even when life is busy or hard, “Jesus help” is still a powerful prayer.
Seeking out help in the form of therapy and counseling is a healthy way of navigating life and all of the twists and turns. You probably won’t need it forever, you will probably need it on and off, but there is beauty and freedom in letting an objective third party call you out on your bullshit and help you work through the shit other people put you through. And dare I say, what you put yourself through…
Are you a victim or are you whining? We all need to honestly look at each situation for what it is, not baby our own deceptive thought patterns.
Don’t be a fool playing checkers while someone else is playing chess. See things for what they are and remain Christ like in countering. A difficult balance that is always achievable.
Don’t judge others on their actions while you judge yourself on your intentions. Before you react, look for the true intent and go from there.
Say more than “good”, when people ask you how you are doing. Our first instinct is to keep things surface level. “Good” is so impersonal. Life is deeper than that and in a society that has lost human connection, be the person that puts a little humanity back in the human experience.
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. And similarly, don’t voice your opinion and expect someone else not to voice theirs.
Listen to understand. Don’t listen to respond or you’ll miss the whole point. Society is reallllllllly good at saying things and reallllllly horrible at listening.
Be curious and ask questions. Have a heart and mind that truly desires to learn about the people in your life. As much as you love talking about yourself, so do they.
Everyone has a story to tell. This seems to be plastered everywhere, including HomeGoods décor and yet, we don’t ever hear it, nor do we truly understand what it means to interact with others with this in mind. Most of the time we walk around thinking we have the most to tell, whilst forgetting literally every other person, animal, and damn tree is right alongside us.
Don’t compare grief. I have come across this so many times when someone is grieving. Someone will share a piece of their story and people will be so quick to say, “oh, I went through [insert a piece of their story] so I get it.” No, you do not get it. Remember, everyone has their own story behind their grief, their own bias and life experiences that impacts how grief hits them. Do not belittle someone’s grief by saying you know how they feel. Be compassionate, comforting, and ask what they need instead.
Remember that your parents are human too. If you choose to believe they did the best they could with what they had, with what they were taught, and with what they experienced along their own journey, you will be able to give them some grace. And dare I say maybe forgive them for not always handling things the best way.
Your mom is right… I know, I know, there is no way your mom was young once too… But she was, and she has so much wisdom to share.
Forgiveness is hard, forgiveness is freedom. You’ve heard it before and I’ll reiterate it again, forgiving someone that wronged you is not giving them a free pass or saying they weren’t in the wrong. Forgiving someone is freeing your shoulders of the weight you weren’t meant to carry in the first place.
Men and women are made divinely different, as God intended us to be. There is intricacy and intentionality behind men, and there is intricacy and intentionality behind women.
Step up men. The metaphorical pendulum has swung hard toward women, and there is so much beauty in that swing. This is not an excuse to play the victim or justify childish behavior. Hear me when I say it goes both ways, that this does not give women the right to blame men for everything, to generalize men, or to hate on men. But women coming into their divine femininity should empower you to understand what a woman of God looks like and work on yourself to be the man God called you to be. We need you to be that man. All your answers are in the bible, dive the fuck in and get real with yourself. Find a small group to support your growth and journey because life is better with other men by your side going after the same thing.
Women, we were created from the rib of man, to be man’s helper suitable (Genesis 2:18). In Hebrew, ‘helper suitable’ translates to ‘Ezer Kenegdo’, meaning to aide and strengthen in a way someone cannot do for themselves. Ezer is usually used to describe God himself. To further this beautiful revelation, the rib protects vital organs. The rib protects the heart. The rib helps with posture; think faith-centered heart posture. It is an honor to be described in a way that God describes himself and we should aspire to strengthen those around us every day the way God does. As said for the men, dive into the bible, get real with yourself, and find a small group to support your growth and journey.
My brother and sister in Christ, let people show you who they are. Don’t put on blinders when actions speak louder than words. When it comes to any relationship pay attention to the patterns and believe them.
It feels significantly more intimate to be truly seen by someone. Intimacy isn’t just physical.
Don’t play the savior. That role has been filled and will never need to be filled again. Let Jesus be the savior for others… You can aspire and work on yourself to be more and more Christ-like, but it is not your job to save. Be humble and let the Spirit do the work in someone else’s heart. When it comes down to it, people change when, where, how, and why they want to change, not because you want them to.
You do not need to “clean up your mess” before coming to Jesus. He is waiting for you to give him a chance to love you and refine you no matter how you show up.
Look up, look around, pause, and be present in what you are learning and in what you are experiencing. We miss so much in rushing around but being present is insanely stunning. There are countless moments you’ll find God’s fulfilled promises.
Through all life’s lessons, I hope you remember that we are all living this life for the first time. We all get caught up in the rat race of what we think is important, but in reality, we are all ‘walking each other home’. We are all human.
So, as I enter this next decade, I pray that the lessons I learn come from a heart posture that helps me and the people around me flourish. I pray that moments take my breath away. That the detail in every seemingly mundane moment strikes me and makes me say, “God is good. God is doing good things.”
Here’s to the refining.
Confidently,
Katey
Tell me something good! Whether via text, email, or message, I want to hear what’s good in your life. If you’re comfortable with me sharing, I’ll compile responses, share them on my platform, and we can bring some smiles to this lost and broken world.
